Church and Me

OK...

Why im not going to church these days??

i used to be so holy...

the 1st thing that i wud do when i wake up in the morning is to read the bible and pray..

but not anymore!!

what has happened to tat holy girl...??

well...

things hv changed in me...

i dont wanna be a hypocrite...

the nite before sunday...i do unholy stuffs...

so why go the church the next day?? pretend like nothings wrong!!

i dont wanna fake things...

i am me..and tats it!

im emotionally unstable...

im mentally retarded...

im physically screwed up..

and my soul is lost...

people are taking control of my life toooooooooo much!!

and i hate it...

ppl tell me wat i shud do and wat i shud nt do...

come on, wat the hell!!

the more u control, the more i'll rebel!

i want to be happy...

be happy like everyone else...

i wanna live a life that is pleasing to others...

but circumstances and temptation are just too great to resist!!

then it comes to subjects!!

its getting crazier and crazier!!

being in a medical field is no joke i tell ya!!

from microbiology to parasitology..

from parasitology to bacteriology...

from bacteriology to virology...

from virology to immunology...

all of these in a week!! its driving me nuts!!

next comes to a very complicated relationship!!

i hv no idea wats wrong wit me and my relationship..

its getting too complicated...

theres misunderstandings every single day without fail..

wat the hell is happening??

im beginning to think whether is it gonna last or is it gonna end up like any other..

but i swear, i really loved him so much...

then it comes to my parents..

always nagging at me all the time...

its so sickening....

so annoying and irritating!!

all these pent up anger and frustrations are really making me go insane..

i just need time...

coz time will heal...