I'm Guilty...

Oops...

i made a mistake... a very severe one this time..

i am regretting it so bad...and i just do not know what to do...

i am a statue that bleeds now...

my cold heart beats vitally.... its like having angina..i need beta blockers!!

i talk to him a lot..

which makes it harder you see...

we are like close friends these days..

i know it will break ur heart...

but baby, i swear im doing it with no intentions..

my heart is pure, and my love for you is real...

it kills me inside..

but i cant tell you anything..

oh God, i cant take this anymore...

maybe i should tell you the truth...

coz i knw it will soon leak...

my conscience is guilty

my lies , i will not be able to hide for long

there's a deep dark truth tat u must never know

hidden secrets, truths untold, eats away my soul...

in time i will lose control..

and i will confess each and every secret to you...

i must have cried a million times of being in this life

thats why i have tear stains in my heart..

i pray someday u will understand me

and take me back to be with you forever...

without you, im lost...im lonely..

i love you so much, it hurts inside..

i need your guiding hands...

im a wandering , lost girl..

im neither here nor there..

to tell u the truth, my heart is cold and empty...

im so confused...

is fate gonna be kind to us??

i wanna justify myself

and say what i did was right..

i did not french kiss him or watsoever...

but NO...

i agree a million percent that what i did was so wrong,

i consider it a crime...

and it broke ur heart into a million pieces...

i knw its not gonna be ez for u to 4get

but i am willing to go on my knees to beg for forgiveness...

it is not ez to earn tat forgiveness and trust back

i have hurt you so badly...

i just dont knw wat to do...

when reality and fantasy meet,

the result is love..

searching for tat fantasy will lead u only to many dissapoinments

im an imperfect person

but im willing to go tat extra mile to change for u..

to correct myself, to be with you

just because i hv loved you so deeply...

when i fell in love with you,

i wanted to be with you always..

but fate is cruel..

the distance separated us...

my heart would yearn for the very moment u say 'hello'

and i'll miss u crazy the moment u say a 'goodbye'

when i fell in love with you,

all my old hurts and pain seem lost and faded away..

i want you to be happy always,

i wanna see tat cute smile on ur face,

but ...

i seem to be hurting you day in day out...

u dont deserve any of this

i curse myself,

i dont know what to do..

i need help...

God, it hurts so much to see the person i love so much in pain

there's a million of things running thru my mind abt you..

but i just cant speak it out..

so i write them down instead...

( im writing this down with tears in my eyes, so hurt and i hv no one to turn to )

i always asked myself ,

when i fall in love, hw wud i feel?

i ask this question to myself countless times

and even now when im writing this down,

i cant help but reflect on those times when i fell in love so madly, fondly and blindly!!

i cud still remember hw my first love proposed to me, so sweet and so real..

i cud still remember my first hug, my first kiss, my first ....

everything was so real...

but in the end, i was stabbed on the heart and left to bleed to death...

as time passed, i asked myself,

why love when i knw its gonna hurt ??

till now i hv no answer to this question...

love is such a strong word

a word people often misuse

something that they can take for granted

my wounds are deep

why wont u understand and love me for who i am??

you deserve the best in everything u do,

maybe someday i will see you, with a smile on your face,

hand in hand with somebody new,

until that day comes i will still be here,

i will be ur angel, ur fallen angel...

i will look out for you when u need someone,

i will not let you down again...

forgive me if i do, because im not perfect,

i love you now and always will...

i want you to be mine forever...

i dont wanna handle another broken heart...

b, its too painful..why wont u hear me???

why does love hurt so much?

why must i go thru it over and over again??

why cant life be like candy, so sweet and nice??

why cant life distribute pain more equally among many people, not just concentrate on one person??

LIFE IS UNFAIR!!

i want to say sorry for the many things tat is unsaid..

i want to be forgiven and forgive myself as well

thoughts of u brings warmth to me and tat will nvr change...

please knw the fact tat i truely cared and loved you..

damage has been done..

and i hate my soul so much!

im in my own sea of darkness..

God help me for i have sinned...

baby,

please hold me close and never let me go...

i hv been too lonely...

i just dont knw hw else to explain myself...

but one thing i do knw,

i nvr evr wanted to hurt you...

i just love you so very much...

believe me when i say i love you because i really do....

i wanna speak to you..

but to tell u the truth..

im too weak to do so...

im trying hard to get things right between us...

but its hard...

sometimes i pretend like everythings fine,

but deep down im crying...

please do not look into my eyes and tell me u love me..

i would die if u were to do it...

because I do not deserve anything from u...

maybe u might as well do watever ur two frens said..

ignore me for sometime...

yeah, dont worry about me...

i'll be fine...

i wanna end this long and confusing note...

but the pain in me is still not subsiding...

maybe i might wanna ease myself with razor blades!!

im just so hurt..and i hv no one to turn to...

loneliness hurts ...!!

tears of the broken heart,

written by,

JESSICA