QUIET EMOTIONS...

Like any other kind of love, friendship can be a lost in our lives due to neglect, misunderstandings, anger or sometimes, simply circumstances... however, it is lost, we lose apart of ourselves that can nvr be quite recovered...wat more if its someone who's so close to our hearts....

I have this friend..that treats me really good at first and then leaves me all of a sudden... she left me in a shock state...and im still sitting here wondering whether is all this merely a dream or am i hallucinating stuffs... its hard to accept the fact that she's no longer here, she's gone...

whenever i needed someone to talk to

you were always there

when my eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain

you were always there

there was no time when i had doubt

to come to you

because u were always there for me

i cud see tat u really wanted to help because u cared for me like no other

whenever i was down n blue

u were always there

so happy to hv u as my fren

no matter wat my problems may be or no matter wat went wrong

you were always there

now ur gone

i close my eyes and think of the good times we shared

the memories we had

its hard to take

maybe one day u might come back...

but this is only wat i cud wish...

As time flew

i saw our frienship fading, and my heart grew sick

today the day had arrived

when it was time to say goodbye

but u left without even saying goodbye

i was shock, still shock!!

no one to turn to for help...

now i sit alone in my room

thinking of wat went wrong

and hw to do it all over again

but one thing i knw, there's nothing tat can be changed

its hard to take...

i nvr thought i wud see this day

i nvr wanted things to turn out this way

im left with emptiness

you were like my sister, so much more

i miss you, where did u go??

why must u leave??

its hard to take....

friendship is a very special thing

fragile at times

easily broken

and not ez to mend

confusion , pain , unanswered questions..u just left...

its hard to take...

our friendship was intact

but the time has come to an end

im so confused...

ur gone

and the pages of time, u cant turn back

in this heart breaking moment

just remember, even theres distance between us,

i always cared for u...

and i am still someone who still cares...

left all alone,

sincerely written by,

Jessica

I'm Guilty...

Oops...

i made a mistake... a very severe one this time..

i am regretting it so bad...and i just do not know what to do...

i am a statue that bleeds now...

my cold heart beats vitally.... its like having angina..i need beta blockers!!

i talk to him a lot..

which makes it harder you see...

we are like close friends these days..

i know it will break ur heart...

but baby, i swear im doing it with no intentions..

my heart is pure, and my love for you is real...

it kills me inside..

but i cant tell you anything..

oh God, i cant take this anymore...

maybe i should tell you the truth...

coz i knw it will soon leak...

my conscience is guilty

my lies , i will not be able to hide for long

there's a deep dark truth tat u must never know

hidden secrets, truths untold, eats away my soul...

in time i will lose control..

and i will confess each and every secret to you...

i must have cried a million times of being in this life

thats why i have tear stains in my heart..

i pray someday u will understand me

and take me back to be with you forever...

without you, im lost...im lonely..

i love you so much, it hurts inside..

i need your guiding hands...

im a wandering , lost girl..

im neither here nor there..

to tell u the truth, my heart is cold and empty...

im so confused...

is fate gonna be kind to us??

i wanna justify myself

and say what i did was right..

i did not french kiss him or watsoever...

but NO...

i agree a million percent that what i did was so wrong,

i consider it a crime...

and it broke ur heart into a million pieces...

i knw its not gonna be ez for u to 4get

but i am willing to go on my knees to beg for forgiveness...

it is not ez to earn tat forgiveness and trust back

i have hurt you so badly...

i just dont knw wat to do...

when reality and fantasy meet,

the result is love..

searching for tat fantasy will lead u only to many dissapoinments

im an imperfect person

but im willing to go tat extra mile to change for u..

to correct myself, to be with you

just because i hv loved you so deeply...

when i fell in love with you,

i wanted to be with you always..

but fate is cruel..

the distance separated us...

my heart would yearn for the very moment u say 'hello'

and i'll miss u crazy the moment u say a 'goodbye'

when i fell in love with you,

all my old hurts and pain seem lost and faded away..

i want you to be happy always,

i wanna see tat cute smile on ur face,

but ...

i seem to be hurting you day in day out...

u dont deserve any of this

i curse myself,

i dont know what to do..

i need help...

God, it hurts so much to see the person i love so much in pain

there's a million of things running thru my mind abt you..

but i just cant speak it out..

so i write them down instead...

( im writing this down with tears in my eyes, so hurt and i hv no one to turn to )

i always asked myself ,

when i fall in love, hw wud i feel?

i ask this question to myself countless times

and even now when im writing this down,

i cant help but reflect on those times when i fell in love so madly, fondly and blindly!!

i cud still remember hw my first love proposed to me, so sweet and so real..

i cud still remember my first hug, my first kiss, my first ....

everything was so real...

but in the end, i was stabbed on the heart and left to bleed to death...

as time passed, i asked myself,

why love when i knw its gonna hurt ??

till now i hv no answer to this question...

love is such a strong word

a word people often misuse

something that they can take for granted

my wounds are deep

why wont u understand and love me for who i am??

you deserve the best in everything u do,

maybe someday i will see you, with a smile on your face,

hand in hand with somebody new,

until that day comes i will still be here,

i will be ur angel, ur fallen angel...

i will look out for you when u need someone,

i will not let you down again...

forgive me if i do, because im not perfect,

i love you now and always will...

i want you to be mine forever...

i dont wanna handle another broken heart...

b, its too painful..why wont u hear me???

why does love hurt so much?

why must i go thru it over and over again??

why cant life be like candy, so sweet and nice??

why cant life distribute pain more equally among many people, not just concentrate on one person??

LIFE IS UNFAIR!!

i want to say sorry for the many things tat is unsaid..

i want to be forgiven and forgive myself as well

thoughts of u brings warmth to me and tat will nvr change...

please knw the fact tat i truely cared and loved you..

damage has been done..

and i hate my soul so much!

im in my own sea of darkness..

God help me for i have sinned...

baby,

please hold me close and never let me go...

i hv been too lonely...

i just dont knw hw else to explain myself...

but one thing i do knw,

i nvr evr wanted to hurt you...

i just love you so very much...

believe me when i say i love you because i really do....

i wanna speak to you..

but to tell u the truth..

im too weak to do so...

im trying hard to get things right between us...

but its hard...

sometimes i pretend like everythings fine,

but deep down im crying...

please do not look into my eyes and tell me u love me..

i would die if u were to do it...

because I do not deserve anything from u...

maybe u might as well do watever ur two frens said..

ignore me for sometime...

yeah, dont worry about me...

i'll be fine...

i wanna end this long and confusing note...

but the pain in me is still not subsiding...

maybe i might wanna ease myself with razor blades!!

im just so hurt..and i hv no one to turn to...

loneliness hurts ...!!

tears of the broken heart,

written by,

JESSICA

Story Of My Life...

Ok.

My name is Stanley Paul.

I'm 20years old.

I have an amazing girlfriend named Jessica.

I love her very much and I know that she loves me too.

But for some time now...

my girlfriend and I...

were going through a rough patch.

we both were 'sometimes' very mean to each other

i was so afraid

that i might lose her

yeah

but

we loved each other so much...

where we cant be separated for any reasons

so we were sorry for everything that has happened

atleast all the bad things that hurt me were gone

:D

as i said..

we're going through a rough patch at the moment

im hoping that things will be fine soon

and

we'll be stronger together then ever

she means everything in the world to me

after 20yrs of my life..

i met the right girl for me

and i still rmb

the moment my eyes met hers

i knew i wanted her to be mine forever.

i gave her my heart..

my whole heart actually

she'll be the first and the last girl in my life

i mean it

in the past few days...

no...4days ago

someone asked me a question

how much i really love her?

i said confidently...

that i love her with all my heart...

she means everything to me

then...

that same person asked me another question...

would you give up anything for her?

i bravely said 'YES'

then...

the same person again asked me one more question...

this time it left me stuttering

he asked me...

would you give up yr flying dream if she asks you to?

i was blank!

speechless!

i had no answer

but

i still love her

after that...

i had been thinking alot abt her..

more than i think about newer aircrafts

yeah

i had this gut feeling

so

i called this same person a few days later...

and

i gave him my answer for his question

he was surprised

shocked i would say

well...

i told him that

yes, i love her so much!!

she's the only one whom i want to spend my entire life with

i said...

she understands me well...

so..

i told him

if she was to ask me to not pursue with flying dreams...

i would do what she says.

coz

now

she's the most important thing in my life

then...

comes the flying

but i'm hoping that she wont do it

yeah

i love her so much!

really really so much!

i just cant explain or describe

how much i love her

she's everything to me now

right now...

i've only got two things to achieve in life

first,

to become a pilot

second,

to be with her for my entire life

to keep her happy

and to put a smile on her face

-THE END-

p/s : he told me this story....

Church and Me

OK...

Why im not going to church these days??

i used to be so holy...

the 1st thing that i wud do when i wake up in the morning is to read the bible and pray..

but not anymore!!

what has happened to tat holy girl...??

well...

things hv changed in me...

i dont wanna be a hypocrite...

the nite before sunday...i do unholy stuffs...

so why go the church the next day?? pretend like nothings wrong!!

i dont wanna fake things...

i am me..and tats it!

im emotionally unstable...

im mentally retarded...

im physically screwed up..

and my soul is lost...

people are taking control of my life toooooooooo much!!

and i hate it...

ppl tell me wat i shud do and wat i shud nt do...

come on, wat the hell!!

the more u control, the more i'll rebel!

i want to be happy...

be happy like everyone else...

i wanna live a life that is pleasing to others...

but circumstances and temptation are just too great to resist!!

then it comes to subjects!!

its getting crazier and crazier!!

being in a medical field is no joke i tell ya!!

from microbiology to parasitology..

from parasitology to bacteriology...

from bacteriology to virology...

from virology to immunology...

all of these in a week!! its driving me nuts!!

next comes to a very complicated relationship!!

i hv no idea wats wrong wit me and my relationship..

its getting too complicated...

theres misunderstandings every single day without fail..

wat the hell is happening??

im beginning to think whether is it gonna last or is it gonna end up like any other..

but i swear, i really loved him so much...

then it comes to my parents..

always nagging at me all the time...

its so sickening....

so annoying and irritating!!

all these pent up anger and frustrations are really making me go insane..

i just need time...

coz time will heal...

Something's Wrong!!

Somethings wrong with me..

i have nvr experienced difficulties in waking up every morning...

but recently, im finding it very hard...

even 2day, i overslept...

damn, i missed another class!!

wats happening to me??

wats going on??

i need help!!!

I'm Sorry...

Im taking this time to write down this sorry note to apologize what i hv done to him....this might not make any sense to him..but what i've got to say and write here is directly from my heart....

i never meant to hurt you like the way i always do...

please forgive me for the pain i hv caused you...

being in love is an awesome feeling tat anyone cud ever hv..

but sometimes there will be pain and heart breaks that comes along with it...

life is not always a bed of roses...

but still, i never meant to hurt you...

it is happening every single night...

hurt again and again....

i am so sorry what i spoke to you last night...

what i said was insensitive and hurtful...

i promise u i am working on wat i shud say and wat i shud not...

you dont deserve this kind of behavior from me...

you deserve to be happy...

you only deserve someone who can make u happy...

i know u probably might think im one hell of a useless being..

good for nothing...

only good for causing u pain...

but....

i swear to u tat i had no intentions of saying those stuffs to you...

it might take awile for u to understand me...

but...

i will wait....

i miss spending time wit you....

i miss you so much...

Will u find a place in ur heart to forgive me??

i dont want things to keep going wrong between us...

why must love always come wit pain???

this is one thing tat i will never understand till the end...

please someone explain this to me...

why must there be hurts in a relationship??

im sorry for being so emotional

im sorry for being so possessive over you coz ur mine forever..

im sorry tat i cry for you...

im sorry because i cant live without you...

im sorry for the tears you shed..

im sorry for the damaged tat i hv caused..

im sorry for making u so sick of this relationship

im sorry i hurt you deep...

im sorry for this selfish love..

im sorry for not caring enough..

im sorry for my restlessness...

im sorry for giving you sleepness night...

im sorry for each and every fight...

im sorry for the missing harmony in our relationship...

im sorry ur so sad coz of me..

sorry for not giving u any hapiness...

sorry because its my disgrace..

im sorry for thinking of u so very much

im sorry for being so crazy over you...

im sorry for being so immature...

im sorry for being me...

im sorry for i hv failed to make u happy in this relationship..

im sorry and sorry again...

im sorry of being insane...

but believe me i still love you so very much...

should i say sorry for tat too????

healing the hurt....????

can someone tell me how....

I am who i AM!!!

I am me!!!

i freaking hate people telling me things i should do and things i should not do...

i mean, i know wats wrongs and wats rite for me..

besides its my life..so why bother??

As for now, wat im doin is rite...

i dont care wat u ppl say..

u may disagree with me and im so least bothered abt it...

i am writing this out of anger!!

so frustrated and ....!!!

to my hatters, face me if u dare!!!

dont go cocking around my back!!!

one more thing, i am gonna be a future doctor..

i hv my standards..

i hv my pride...

and my ego level is God damn high!!

and im not gonna lower it down...!!

its either u be with me...

or ur most welcome to get lost from my life!!!

coz i know i can do better then u....

i am better off in every single way!!

I Need Someone..

i need someone here beside me... i need to hug someone so badly... my soul is being tortured every single nite... and the pain kills me slowly... i have lost my mind...i am helpless .... i never knew i could miss someone so much till it hurts... why must i go through all this over and over again... i see happy people all around me... at times my soul turns cold and black... and all i can do is to sit in a lonely place all alone and wipe those flowing tears away...