Reviewing my resolutions!!

End of January 2010.. beginning of February 2010... so let me review my new year resolutions and see hw's it goin... ;-) God bless me for bringing me thus far...

1. spend more time with family ( goin fine)

2. exercise more-get fit! ( failed)

3. lose ( loose!) weight ( still working on it )

4. give up on using foul words ( again )

( failed terribly!!! )

5. learn a new skill, take up a new hobby (blogging ) ( goin well )

6. put something into the community - help others ( so far nothing)

7. get organized! ( erm... )

8. become more security conscious ( wth )

9. give up drinking, at least till the end of january!

( FAILED RITE TO THE CORE!! )

10. i will avoid taking bath whenever possible and conserve more water

( succeeded )

11. never will i fall for jerks ( no longer valid )

12. i will spend less then one hour a day on the internet. this of course, will be hard to estimate since i'm not a clock watcher! ( FAILED )

13. i wont worry so much ( erm...too early to decide..)

14. i will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine.. for example, if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, i'll tell him he stinks!!

( succeeded )

15. take up a new habit , maybe : smoking! it helps keep tobacco workers in job! ( not yet...SOON )

16. procrastinate more ( erm... )

17. i will try not to sob uncontrollably if he rejects me.

( HE LOVES ME... )

18. i will be a millionaire on farmville ( goin well )

19. i will ignore people who try my patience and people who gets on my nerves!

( SUCCEEDED )

20. read fewer books. a little learning is a dangerous thing. too much of it can really wreck your head.

( i will flung in my exam if these happens- FAILED )

21. dont eat panodols unnecessarily just because it looks like candy.

( goin well )

22. learn what the 'hell' resolution means. ( FAILED )

23. i will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars. ( crap )

24. i will try to drive closer to the speed limit ( goin well )

25. when i hear a funny joke, i will not reply 'LOL....LOL!' ( FAILED!!)

26. im definitely gonna get into a relationship this year...(by hook or by crook)

(well i didnt mean it wen i was writing this down but somehow along the way ....there's this guy who stole my heart ... a person i never expected at all... my sweetheart... i just love this person so very much... i am crazy over him... )

27. I'm gonna love my enemy ( be sincere even if u dont mean it )

( SUCCEEDED )

28. i will do less laundry and use more perfume! ( FAILED )

29. i promise to clean my room once a week even though i haven't cleaned it more then once in the last year. ( FAILED )

30. learn how to play dota.. ( stanley: u gotta help me on this )

( Failed )

The after effects was bad!!

im writing this down to relate how exactly i feel... the feeling is horribly awful...

the evil one entered me the moment i stepped my feet in KL... well i came here for only one reason.. to see him...but things dont seem to be working out.. it hurts badly... so i decided to relax myself .. beer was my choice!! but i didnt like it at all.. felt like throwing it down the drain.. i hated it!

then me and my cousins decided to take it to the next level.. this time black label was our choice.. we started..initially, the feeling was awesome.. obviously the pain subsided.. i 4got abt every single painful memory.. i just loved the feeling so very much.. i was talking crap.. all i can remember saying was "i'm gonna marry Shireen"... i have no idea why the hell i was saying that..coz im not a les!! besides, she is my cousin!! it would be a total disgrace to the family if that were to actually happen!!! wtf!! i was drunk!

i fell into a deep sleep... no dreams, no nightmares!! what a perfect nite!! but it only lasted 4 awile.. coz i was puking my life away after that.. my head felt heavy, my stomach was aching so badly.. i hated the after effects!! it was bad..i took almost 24 hrs to recover!! never wil i wanna go thru the same thing ever again..coz i suffer more!! and the satisfaction is only temporary!!


good girl gone bad,
Jessica

Boredom is killing me!!!!!!

My stooooooooopid holidays are so freaking long!! wtf!!! I never knew its gonna be this boring !!!

its killing me!!!!!!!! i cant take this anymore!!!!!!! someone murder me pleaseeeeeeeeeeee!!!

i cant do what i want!!!!! im like a helpless soul gasping 4 breath!!!! i wanna go back to malang!!! though its stressful, im happy to be constantly occupied!!! here, im just sitting, swaying idle, thinking abt stuffs tat is nt suppose to be thought of!!! wtf is wrong wit u ppl!!!!!!!! im so bloody pissed off!! life sucks like a piece of shit!!!

Come on Mr Time, move faster!! move faster im tellin u!!! im gonna blast anytime!!! the volcano is gonna erupt within me!!!!!!!!!! full of anger and frustration!!!!!!!!!!!! no one understands how i feel!!!!!!!!! fuck it!!!!

Back there....the weather is so cold..so romantic below the blue sky!!! here, i hv to be stucked up between the four walls in order 4 the bloody air-cond to be on!!!! its pure shit!!! i had RM 750 wit me -my christmas collection!! and so stoooooooooooopidly i gv all to my dad!! nw the only currency i hv is in rupiah!!! wat the heck am i suppose to do wit rupiah??? i hv no access to my bank account!! God knows hw many thousands i hv in there!!!

im going mad!!! im losing control!!! plz , i need help!!! save me from this misery!!! i wanna die fast!!!

cry of the soul,

written by,

Jessica

Life in a foreign country...!!

Life in a foreign country is not easy... There are a vast difference in their food, culture, community, language barrier, weather... Everything was different... It was a whole new era of my life tat i was about to go through...

22nd July 2009 - my departure day...

i reached Malang around 5pm, it was already super dark!! I was dead tired, checked into Olino Garden hotel and died on the bed...End of my 1st day in Malang!!

ADAPTATION PROGRAM!!

We Malaysians had to go through a month of adaptation program.. we were made exposed to their food, language and their way of living... it was fun tough...;-) We stayed in an ibu asuh's hse.. i hated tat place rite to the very core! Nevertheless , i made many new friends there.. we were all in the same boat - heading for one goal. The food the bloody maid cooked sucked like a piece of shit!! it was worst then a prisoners meal! I gave up on her food. worst of all, i was constipated for about 12 days or so..!! The maid hated us as much as we hated her coz we wud deliberately throw her food rite into the nearest dustbin in front of her!! plus we wud irritate her my buying outside food and eating in the hall!!... Soon we managed to find ourselves a nice , wonderful, bungalow hse with a swimming pool in it and we moved out from there 3 weeks later... !! It was heaven to get rid of the maid's face from our very sight!!

PK2MABA!! ( Indonesian Orientation)

Next was PK2MABA! We Malaysians call it the killer orientation...Why?? I tell ya why...

1st, u gotta be in the lapangan at sharp 5 am .. Everyday we gotta bring this barang bawaan wajib and every single day i was wrong!! Well, what do u expect, i couldnt understand their weird language, i was new in that place some more, i have never been through such an orientation and worst of all i couldnt understand their bloody jarkom!!.. my perlanggaran would always exceed 3 and at the end of the day i will get a RED CARD!! meaning perlanggaran berat!! Then as punishment, they will give tonnes of loads of work to be done and to be passed up the very next morning.. again the same shiite will repeat, RED CARD again!!! end of the three days, i had 3 RED CARDS stuck to my name tag!! it was embarrassing but i was least bothered abt it!! tats it, its over... Praise the lord!! pheewwww....

my wonderful family who kinda helped me out thru PK2MABA!!! i love them so very much...

family gathering after the Evaluasi!!!

MASEK!! ( Malaysian Orientation )

This was hell !! Trust me!! This is the part i hated the most!! MASEK IS HELL I TELL YA!!!

The Malaysian seniors was freakin cruel, they made us tie our hair high up like a pony tail- worst then tadika kids, scribbled our faces, screamed at us!! All 17 went thru shiitee!! but i did not shed a tears !! i was strong!! some of my friends did... my heart bled seeing them cry... the seniors gave them leaves to wipe away their tears.. IT WAS SO CRUEL- SO HEARTLESS!! at some point of time i felt like breaking down too - but NEVER!!

we had barang bawaan wajib to bring!!

The girl there, yeah, tats me!!!

Mr J i hated the most!!! made my life so miserable!! just because i couldnt speak tamil!! hate tat language all the more... i mean wen time comes, i'll learn tat language- nt nw!! not important at all!!

the shoutings are goin on!! damn!! tats my friend Diana... i pity her...;-(

haiz...dont wanna upload more pictures...too embarassing!!

once masek was over, we were able to join PKPMI!!

DEEPAVALI NITE!

we batch 2009 had to conduct this major event since we are so called juniors! it wasnt ez.. there were ups and downs.. I enjoyed the dance floor..i was dancing crazy and i enjoyed every single momment of it..

ANNUAL GRAND DINNER!

i loved this event... it was awesome... i had lots of fun..the food was ok ok la...

these are my wonderful friends..they make my world go round..

Friends are made in heaven..;-)

this is me and my sweetheart.. i just love her so much..;-)

tats about it i guess...

my life abroad...

Jessica

A new chapter of my life...

*sighs*... what a day!!! the happiest day of my life... the life i have been looking for... a life to be spent with an honest, sincere, most of all, a CHRISTIAN guy...

A new chapter of my life begins today... (11.1.2010)

I am finally committed to someone...

single & taken...

status: madly, deeply, crazily in love...

taken by an amazing guy with an amazing heart....

I seriously liked this guy for sometime...and it took me a hell lot of courage to write down a confession note specially for him and later confess the truth to him...it was hard i tell ya... trust me, it was harder than histology!!!

but i did it..and the worst part of all, i did not prepare myself emotionally if he were to...err...u know.."reject" me... i had no idea what the fish was going on through my mind when i made my confession...i suppose i was drunk or maybe high on drugs!! God knows!!

Now im thinking again, did i really made my confession towards him or is it just a dream?? ( someone plz slap me hard and wake me up)!!

Back to reality, i did make my confession!!

and i was over the moon when he felt the same way about me...;-)

hurray!! i got my guy...

Now there's only two things on my mind

1. him

2. medicine

my life is devoted to him and my future is all his

well now i can smile and say

he is perfect

and he is mine..

i see the future....

its gonna be a happy ending...;-)

confession of the heart,

sincerely written by,

Jessica...

Just Another Day Of my Life...

A very Good Morning To the people of the world...

It was 9 am...i was still in bed..As usual, mummy was my alarm clock ( a very accurate n irritating one...!!! ) She will never let me sleep past 10am... So, just not to spoil her mood and she not spoiling my mood i just got up..brushed my teeth, and went downstairs to have my breakfast.. Twiggies was my choice this morning with a perfect glass of coffee to go with it... Unusually, i took about half an hour to get done with my breakfast... well what do you expect?? i gotta day dream as well...

Then mummy asked me to prepare something for lunch... So since i was bored and did not know what else to do, i agreed!! ( and now im regretting why i said yes)...

I decided to do my favourite and rather simple - easy going dish..FRIED RICE!!!... At last, it did not turn out well!! The taste was flat !! Incredibly Flat and pathetic!!! damn, it didnt work out this time! WHAT A LUCK!!

I just stuffed it down my throat.. the others did the same as well ( without grumbling ).. i guess it was just a sign a appreciation!! besides, what more can u expect from me - cooking for the 1st time some more!!

Hopefully, it turns out better next time...

Till then..

signing of...

Jessica....

A TRUE STORY ABOUT A GIRLS LIFE..

This is a true story about a girls life..its complicated..full of misery, heartaches and dissappoinments...

There was this girl by the name of Jaqueline... She was only 13 when she met this guy... He was 16...Back in july 2003 when he stepped into her life.. He liked her very much. Secretly, she liked him too.. Things between them went on pretty well and soon their friendship developed into 'love'.. ( i call it the evil grasp that starts with a kiss and ends with rivers of tears ) ...

The 1st thing she would do once she got home from school was to call him... And she would hang on the phone for hours with him.. They were so deeply in love.. He told her he loved her and she was the one he was looking for. Neither of them could sleep, texting and talking over the phone constantly. It was a distant relationship.. Soon her parents came to know about their relationship and things got complicated between them... Finally , he opted for a break up... The girl was too young to decide anything... She was left broken, her heart bled to death..

Two years passed.. Life went on as usual..

She got back on her feet and that's when she fell in love again.. This again did not last..It was screwed, awful and disgusting!! She gave up on love...

----------------------------------------------------------------

A new year begun ( 2008 )...

Jaqueline completed her SPM... and opted to pursue her higher learning in this college which was situated rather far from her hometown.. Life in college was rather monotonous and dull.. Friends came and went..

One day, she bumped into this guy (by chance) .. He was tall, real tall!! She found him rather cute and nice to talk to.. Soon they became friends, close friends.. A week later, he proposed!! fast isnt it?? She was head over heels in love with him.. Every morning he would buy her breakfast.. even in class , they could not get their eyes off each other!!... They were so in love..

He would sacrifice anything in the world just to see her happy.. He even quit smoking and drinking just for his girl..

They would hold hands and talk for hours... get lost in their own world of love... they would kiss for hours... people used to say "let them be the perfect couple of the year" and of course years to come...

he was all she could ever think about..

everyday, all day!!

his smile

his eyes

his lips

his hands

his eyes gives her butterflies

those lips-she could die for a kiss

she would do anything in the world just to see him...just to be with him..

She completed her pre-u ... and she moved back to her hometown.. That's when things started to go complicated between them.. Nevertheless, she would make time to meet him up once in awile.. In their coming months of relationship, there were many fights and misunderstandings... Thats when the most cruel thing happened- BREAK UP!!!!

She loved him so true-now so painful... Yet, he ignored her..He moved on... He broke her heart yet she loved him with all the little pieces...

Her nights were so cold and lonely... She would cry asking these to herself...why did i ever fall for you? why did things change? how can you not feel my pain? when will you ever realise what have you done to me...???

In the depths of her lonely soul, a lone arrow pierces through her heart..The lessons made in her life sends her down the road of grief!! She is something undescribable with her heart bleeding, she's willing to give it to anyone promising of healing.. so damage she is, she shuts herself away, the cold , the darkness forever at play..

She came to a conclusion:

LOVE IS WICKED!!

&

LOVE HURTS!!

now she's going crazy.. she trust no one... Guys are like jerks!!

she's lonely, confused and hurt... guys: not worth it!! with love comes hate and anger, its a war , a battlefield!!

A Girl in CD Store

There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... a cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once. So he asked his mother and she gave him permission.

He walked down his block and found a lot of stores. He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.

She looked up and asked, "Can I help you?"

She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.

He said, "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD."

He picked one out and gave her money for it.

"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.

He nodded and she went to the back.

She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.

So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...

!!!RRRRRING!!!

The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"

It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday..."

The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother. Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.

Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.

It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

The mother opened another CD...

Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

Love is... when you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You"!! say it before it's too late!! its now or never!!....

New Year Resolutions!!!

I havent been following my new years resolutions in the past years.. Therefore, i've decided to make a whole new complete 'New Years Resolutions' this year... and i really HOPE it goes out well... welcome 2010...!!!

1. spend more time with family

2. exercise more-get fit!

3. lose ( loose!) weight

4. give up on using foul words ( again )

5. learn a new skill, take up a new hobby (blogging )

6. put something into the community - help others

7. get organized!

8. become more security conscious

9. give up drinking, at least till the end of january!

10. i will avoid taking bath whenever possible and conserve more water

11. never will i fall for jerks

12. i will spend less then one hour a day on the internet. this of course, will be hard to estimate since i'm not a clock watcher!

13. i wont worry so much

14. i will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine.. for example, if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, i'll tell him he stinks!!

15. take up a new habit , maybe : smoking! it helps keep tobacco workers in job!

16. procrastinate more

17. i will try not to sob uncontrollably if he rejects me.

18. i will be a millionaire on farmville

19. i will ignore people who try my patience and people who gets on my nerves!

20. read fewer books. a little learning is a dangerous thing. too much of it can really wreck your head.

21. dont eat panodols unnecessarily just because it looks like candy.

22. learn what the 'hell' resolution means.

23. i will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

24. i will try to drive closer to the speed limit

25. when i hear a funny joke, i will not reply 'LOL....LOL!'

26. im definitely gonna get into a relationship this year...(by hook or by crook)

27. I'm gonna love my enemy ( be sincere even if u dont mean it )

28. i will do less laundry and use more perfume!

29. i promise to clean my room once a week even though i haven't cleaned it more then once in the last year.

30. learn how to play dota.. ( stanley: u gotta help me on this )

My New Year's Special Prayer

This prayer was specially dedicated to the Lord on New Years morning.... i said this prayer the very 1st thing when i opened my eyes...its short, simple, meaningful and sweet...

Dear Lord,

so far this year i've done well...

I haven't gossiped, i havent lost my temper, i havent been greedy, grumpy,

nasty, selfish or overindulgent. i'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes,

Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a

lot more help.

Amen...

sincerely by Jessica....