That usual drama's !!

If I don't talk about you , if doesn't mean I don't think of you . I am not talking to you Coz I know I can't have you . Now please spare me those dramas !

I Tried...

Its easier for you to bask in your joy then it is for you to feel my pain..
I have tried so hard to agree with you.. and only to realize that it's not worth it..
The many nights i cry, do you even care...
I have tried so hard to prove to myself that you are the one and only in my life..
I have tried to comfort myself that you had loved me with all your heart but your actions to me proved like wise.

This month has been really hard on me.. my birthday month, esp my 21st bday..
I literally lost a friend and now on the verge of losing another loved one..
If you could rip open my heart, you'll literally see how broken it is.. and theres no one to fix it..
I wonder if you could ever acknowledge the validity of my feelings.. but its always the easy roads thats always taken and so i hurt alone..

Now imagine if i were to live a wild life just like yours.. Those wee hours returning in the morning.. or perhaps clubbing with my girlfriends drinking and getting wasted over our countrys victory in the football game.. smoking, shisha'ing once in awile.. How would you feel..wil you still accept me the way i am and pretend like it doesnt hurt.. Oh maybe you can but i cant.. why..simple reasons because i hv loved you too much.. and i care too much of your well-being cause i see future with you.. Instead, i was branded a over controlling ridiculous, irrelevant, expired girlfriend..

There was this girl and a guy who was deeply in love.. Nevertheless they shared a distance relationship.. They dont see each other that often.. The guy had a relatively wild life.. She knew.. She tried her very best to change him for the better but in vain.. they had many fights due to that.. According to him, she was annoying, irritating and such a pain he couldnt eliminate from his life.

The girl lived in a far distance across the country across the sees.. And the place she lived in wasnt a save place anymore for some recent happenings.. People of her origin were even murdered..She couldnt return back to her homeland , she had a degree to complete.. So one day she was waiting for her beloved to return so that she could talk to him.. He didnt return.. She called and left text msgs on his phone.. later to realise that he was out having a great time with frens again as always it has been that way.. She was so depressed..and had no one to turn to..

It was over 11pm already.. depression was overwhelming.. She couldnt sleep.. tried all ways to comfort herself but to no avail. So she decided to take a walk by the street.. The streets were dead as the graveyard.. She just sat by the walking path , crying to herself.. She couldnt stop thinking of him and wondering what has gone so wrong with their relationship.. She was so afraid to even call him cause she would be branded as a over controlling girlfriend.. he might even ignore her calls.. his time spent with his friends were to precious rather then to be disturbed by some ridiculous so called girlfriend who is not even there.

That night, life took a different path... She was nabbed and murdered by some low casted beggers loitering around that street .. Life ended that night.. He was such in a despair that he couldnt even forgive himself.. A little too late boy, her pain was put to rest once and for all..

Cold Emotions

My emotions are cold as the weather outside. Everything is ruined . I can't help but feel depressed . And worst of all , the person I use to turn to I can no longer turn to . He is out of my life once and for all ! It's time to move on ! I have had enough of people taking me for granted . I only live this life once and I Hv had enough of heartaches in my life . If this is the end of my relationship then so be it ! I am done with you , your words and your life !

Just another day

zipping my cofffee and thinking abt the events that occured the night before...all those heartaches, rejection, etc..
i wish i could numb my emotions just for a moment , to see what life has to offer me..
those people you think you could count on suddenly become strangers to you..
you feel unexisted.. i feel unexisted..

all i can think of now is my mom.. i just wanna be with her..
she loves me and i love her too..
i need a break from all this mess, find myself , figure out whats going on..

my emotions are currently like tsunami waves hitting my heart... i wonder when it would all be over.. coz i can no longer take the pain i feel inside..

the thought of alcohol and drugs sometimes creeps into my mind and steal away my thoughts ... but NO...
i dont wanna lose myself in the process for temporary satisfaction..

Im only a little girl living in this little word... i have no idea whats life offering me now, but i knw the waves will eventually subside... strength is needed but im losing it...

...and i dont know how much longer i can hold on to the shore...