The Agony & The Ecstacy

I suffer the "title" of a long distance relationship. I hv been in this long distance relationship like for almost a year and a half , the worry and stress of it all is getting us both leading into severe depression. Trust is the biggest problem. I never did really believed in long distance relationships till i met him. Their very mechanics defies the purpose of being in a relationship: after all, what's the point of being committed to someone, if they are not actually there. 


We’ve been going through some rough patches lately over arguments about the fact we will not be able to meet each other for quite some time, hatred towards each others friends and family & lies. I do believe in this : Men do not speak with words; they speak with actions. In my case, he is doing nothing about it. So I opt for a break. 


I have this really extreme frustration, exhausting, depressing situation with my boyfriend where i can no longer pretend that i am fine when i am severely hurting on the inside. He says everything will be alright but those are just mere words which brings about no meaning to me. 


A relationship involves a massive amount of adjustments and sacrifices. These adjustments and sacrifices however, should be equally divided between the couple. A couple, who are so much in love, committed and completely honest about their feelings for each other, will surpass any obstacle that may threaten to ruin their relationship. A single suspicion will break the bond you have for each other and it is a beginning of the end if you start to suspect your partner at any point of your long distance relationship.


Those days, i was his queen.. Now, i have been replaced by someone else. And so i am feeling it so intensely, even told him about it and in return he was least bothered about it and did nothing to comfort me. Where were the good old times where we both would rush back home to skype with each other till dawn? I swear i miss those days. The times where he would fly abroad just because he misses me, is no longer the same.


Honestly, i want you back. Life is just not the same without you. I dont know why i let it go too far, starting over is so hard, seems like everywhere i try to go, i keep thinking about you. I just had a wake up call, wishing i had never let it go too far cause i am the one who pushed you away.. 


I know i must have hurt you , caused you pain..but somewhere within me, i knw we could last.. or maybe u can tell me that i am foolish to still cling onto such a believe after all that we have gone through. I just want us to work. I am still not giving up on you like how i gave up on my ex's. why? simply because u are special. you will always have a special place in my heart. 


Call me if you happened to read this. Most of all, call me if you still need me..
I guess you just dont knw hw much it hurts, maybe thats why you never stopped me while i was walking away from you. When we were together, you'd always say u will love me forever. i guess its easier to lie after all. I still miss you and i love you. A confession from my heart : I never meant to put our love on hold. 




there is no happiness greater then ur love,
sincerely me..